Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
