I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
