Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize