I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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