I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
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Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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