At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
