I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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