I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
