OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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