Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
