ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
