I wannas sexs uuuuu
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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