i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am one with the molecules
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
