I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
