Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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