walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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