Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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