East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
we're so committed to being not committed
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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