I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
