remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
