i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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