mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
