i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
