Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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