My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
