I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
