shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
