We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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