i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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