so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
