He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
