we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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