All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
