Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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