I looked at my own cervix.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
