dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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