Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
