i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
