...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
