Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
