Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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