I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
