Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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