Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
