you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
sarcasm needs its own font
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
