He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize