moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
