Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
