Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
