I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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