you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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