Sponge bath it is.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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