It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
