just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
