Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
