i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize