Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
