Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
