this just has baby written all over it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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