ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
