girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
