ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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