He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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