You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
