He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
