Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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