I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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