That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
