He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
