youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
