and i looked up. we had an audience...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
