I haven't been this sober since birth.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
