is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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