I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
