i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
