when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
