It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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